Everything we need to know about today’s important news headlines we get from truthiness expert Stephen Colbert, so it was only a matter of time before Mr. Colbert had us rethink all that we know about our favorite Star Wars characters.
Here’s what the Colbert Wikiality site has to say about Chewbacca:
Chewbacca is a heroic mutant bear from Canada. Even though he is a mindless killing machine, he mindlessly kills liberals, making him a good guy. Chewbacca was concieved by an American woman and a Canadian grizzly bear in 1865. Even though his father was a bear, it seemed that he got his mother’s patriotism, and broke free from the clan of killer bears, joining the righteous crusade of Abraham Lincoln against the sleazy, corrupt hillbilly liberals of the C.S.A.
Later, after traveling to Star Wars and meeting Obi-Wan Kenobi, Chewbacca fended off a bear attack on Coruscant, driving them back to Earth. In a climactic battle, he defeated the combined bear forces of Karl Marx, Nancy Pelosi, Josef Stalin, Donald Duck, Stanley Kubrick and Winnie the Pooh in Italy, the most recent addition to the Axis of Evil, thereby defeating the Communist threat of that country. He continues to work for the CIA, protecting the President from bears, waiting until the Galaxy needs his help again…
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