For all of you fans who think Ewok are cuddly, cute teddy bears you might want to remember that when the Ewoks first met Han Solo on Endor he was considered more like dinner course than a dinner guest.
Thank goodness naturalists have decided to take a closer look at the habits and habitats of Ewoks so you don’t have to risk becoming part of their diet. The naturalists take notes on Ewok Celebratory Rituals and Honorific Terminology, Societal Structure and Dispute Arbitration, Adolescent Transition Rites, and Breeding Practices and Mate Selection.
Here’s an excerpt that best features their bloodlust:
Our first exposure to unvarnished Ewok behavior occurred at the victory celebration following the Battle of Endor. We were surprised to discover that the gathering was not just simply a boisterous feast-activity fostering communal bonds and egalitarian resource distribution, but also a ritualistic devouring of 34 captured Imperial stormtroopers, who were spit-roasted alive in their armor for seli beli (“to seal in the flavor”) and tanga tiru (“divine tang of mortal fear”) — a delicacy to the Ewok palate.
Read the full article here:
Yub Jub Means “Devour the Weak”: An Authoritative Study of Ewoks, From the Field Notes of Davi Atten-Boru and Pladdo Cardigan, Exo-naturalists (via McSweeney’s)